Insomnia

I’m in a pickle, and I don’t like it.

There is a reason why I can’t handle casual dating and it is because I get overwhelmed. How can two people emotionally detach themselves from emotional and physical intimacy shared in unique settings? Gosh, it seems so easy. The benefits seems so much more attractive especially because it requires no actual commitment. If only it were that easy.

In addition to that, how can people casually date more than one person at a time? I guess the point is to be so romantically liberated, you are allowed to be involved with more than one person. But isn’t that concept almost like pre-approved infidelity? “I only date casually, so feel free to date (and have sex with) other people because that is what I am going to do. But do you want to have dinner next week?”

You know what is worse than those two scenarios? Is that… I AM LIVING THAT OUT AS WE SPEAK.

Kill me now.

I apologize in advance if my future spouse, or even future boyfriend, results from one of these relationships and ever happens to read this post. Just please try to understand, I have no idea how this happened??? The very idea of it is keeping me up at night and I find myself unmotivated in my regular life. Funny, it has not even been TWO WEEKS. So technically, I am still in the “getting to know” phase and well, this situation is still valid. As someone once told me, I am in the process of finding out who has more to offer, who has more to bring to the table. Lord knows, I have brought some pretty unqualified suitors to my life.

How do I make a decision? The very idea just makes me want to run away from everyone, or stick up my hands and say “Welp. It was nice getting to know ya, but I am not ready for anything serious.” and maybe, MAYBE. That is what I will do.