July 4th.

It has been one year.

Technically, it was one year since yesterday. That shit hit the fan.

I have had my ups and downs the last couple days. I can reflect easily, and sometimes I break down into tears because I still am confused and hurt by it all. Things have never been so different in my life and I think it is very important that I at least document it somehow.

Things are very different now. For instance, I hate holidays. I will gladly sign up to work every holiday just so that I get out of the obligation of having to spend time with my family.

Family. Something I use to cherish to my very core. Moving out during college, I needed family, depended on their existence, and approval, and companionship. Now, I struggle to spend extra time with them. This family hurt me more than anybody has hurt me before, and I may sound like a helpless victim, but it was traumatizing nevertheless.

Experience has been a bitter teacher, it seems. and Forgiveness, a hard lesson. I have never been tested so much emotionally. I’ll admit, physically, I was not challenged at all. But I would argue that emotional conflicts are much more difficult to endure, and much more difficult to forgive of the people that  are involved.

However, God is good and He is faithful. More than anyone on this earth could be with me, and He has not failed me in any way. The Bible says that He does not allow painful things to happen without something new coming from it, so I am trying to wait patiently. Trying not to cry and trying to continue pursuing my goals and working hard.

It has been a year, and I have been blessed with so many things and with so many relationships, that this last year has not been without gain. Somehow a year has gone rather quickly and I have no idea how, but it brings relief and surprisingly, some hope.

Maybe July 4th will be some type of marker of significance for my life. Who knows.