I have always said that there are people that are meant to be significant in your life. That will not necessarily stay forever, but will make a significant impact in your personality, way of life, or way of thinking.
I have also strongly believed that I have been able to tell if someone I meet will be that significant to illicit change within me. This has happened quite often, to tell you the truth. Many I no longer talk to, but they always brought something to the table and did, in fact, affect me on a greater level.
But what if I never meet them in person?
What do I mean by that? Well, what if I meet someone through social media, and I get that same old feeling in my gut that this person is significant?
Well, I have and I really do not know what to do about it.
Let me clear the air……I am not in love. (Just typing that even now makes me chuckle). I take my friendships and romantic relationships really seriously now. The older I get the more I realize, I don’t have time for the bullshit. I don’t have time to waste agonizing over a stupid boy who won’t text me back, or a gal friend who won’t bother making time to hang out and build our friendship. So everyone goes under a high magnifying microscope in my book. Some don’t get a lot of time, and others may get forever.
If I am being honest, I am a give-everything-all-the-time type of person. I would be the smothering girlfriend or that clingy best friend, if I was allowed, haha. But I know guys do not dig that and friends get tired of that sort of responsibility, so I hold back and instead retreat into my introverted cave time and time again.
But when I find someone significant I get SO EXCITED. Why? Well, I think my puppy heart starts beat faster. It becomes like a little puppy dog so eager to love someone (or everyone) that it starts shaking its tail until its tiny booty is wiggling happily. I love loving on people and friends, and if I could make it a hobby, I would. But I have had enough heart break to learn to hold back entirely and sadly, guard my heart.
So this gal…..
She is so adorable! Light eyes, blonde, lots of heartache and depression, but I can tell she has a brain and a heart and is quick spunky. She blogs, obsessively posts on IG, loves deeply, and is just the most welcoming thing.
She sounds cool enough, right? But what gets me every single time is how ridiculously and brutally honest she is. She is so raw and vulnerable, that I just sit back and wonder every time that I read one of her blog or IG posts. How can someone articulate all that so well?
A Pretty Little Liars quote,
“Good writing doesn’t tell you it’s raining. It lets you feel what it is like to be rained upon.”
Honesty is a huge part of my life. I hate playing games, I hate beating around the bush, I hate miscommunication. So I try to make sure I am direct with people, that I say what I feel, and that I communicate my feelings. Don’t get me wrong, I fail every damn day. It is a constant battle, and it almost seems like I keep clamming up more and more despite my endless sea of opinions and feelings.
But I like this gal. She talks about the hard stuff. Something I learned is SO important and SO RARE. People don’t understand that everyone is hurting. Everyone has tough things going on and that those things should be the things that really unite us in brotherly love. But that is not the case. I was reading a book that also touched on how in the Christian community, talking about our struggles and sin, or even things like mental health issues, or SEX, is taboo and frowned upon, and actually judged so harshly. This author had a psychiatric break down and was actually hospitalized in a psychiatric ward, but talks about how God used it all for His Glory as He showed her how to reach millions of women hurting in similar ways.
So honesty to me precious. Honesty is trust in its truest form, and can build bridges between two people to make them stronger. Honesty is a platform that can allow The Lord to touch my heart and other hearts in the process and its something to be practiced daily.
This gal’s honesty has touched my soul. I can relate to her in many ways. Maybe not to their fullest extent, but I can empathize with many of her struggles, which may be why I am drawn to reading more of her posts.
I am always wondering about her. Throwing a little prayer heavenward for peace, but also a divine relationship to develop between her and Jesus. But I don’t really know what to do about it. I reached out last month I believe, but I shied away after a small bit of email correspondence. Sure, I preach this honesty thing, but it’s a struggle for me too. Especially with friendships. Open up and speak freely from my heart, but then clam up afterwards and pull down the iron curtain over my soul and keep on living….alone. I have been burned before. I have been excited about a friendship so much to just find out that I am not important enough to merit those same feelings. I have been told to my face that one of my ex-good girlfriends would choose her other friend over me all the time. I have been looked over and taken for granted.
So I hide. I’m pretty good at it. Denial? I am a pro.
It is easier to cut things off with anything myself than to suffer the burn of rejection and hurt.
But I decided to read her blog again, just to see if she had posted anything new….Yup! There is. Click Here.
Blown away. BLOWN. AWAY. It’s almost like a mental flash back. “Naomy……is that you? Why are you in some other time zone spilling out my guts for the world to see??”
Lol. Jk. She is way more eloquent than I am.
But I am just stuck again…I need a “How to Be a Friend” book for dummies. I know she’s significant, but I don’t know what to do about it. Lord, I don’t know. She is your beloved, and I want to be there for her as a friend. But how? How can I when I am not even okay myself?
Maybe all I can do is become a prayer warrior.
A Fierce Prayer Warrior Princess from the Rolling Hills and Beaches of Southern California.
Hm…I can definitely get used to the sound of that. HA!