I am grateful that there is so much time between here and next spring. I feel like my feelings are fluctuating and influenced by the simplest and also, stupidest things ever.

I need to remember to take all these ideas and separate motivating pieces and just flow with it. Take them and embrace them and just kind of not move until I have reassessed the situation.

I speak mostly in the direction I want to take my life. Yesterday was a pretty pivotal point for me and really does put some things in perspective especially the idea of leaving for the PCT for four (to six) months. I feel the sparkle dwindle as I think about it more and more, and I just have to take that new feeling again and let it ride out, and not make another emotional and drastic decision.

It just sucks because when things look favorable for me in certain areas of my life, I suddenly no longer want to go. Like what? I should not want to go just as a means to get away….I mean, I could, but still. Not to mention, these “favorable things” are really nothing and are only examples of me reading too far into things.

Yet they are there nevertheless.

I realized however, that this back and forth is not going to go away anytime soon. I think because I jot it down on this social media outlet, I am more prone to it because each post I write it is almost like I have to fully commit to an idea when I write it. In my brain, I can flip flop back and forth but because thoughts are not concrete, I feel less like a crazy person.

Anyhow, I am now planning to continue with my investigation about the PCT, but I will also include investigations about the TCT, Havasupai, and the beautiful JMT. Not to mention, I will consider the other career possibilities that are jumbling in my head.

Here is to a lot of thinking, a lot of research, and a lot of dreaming. 🙂