So I met this guy online. Not in a traditional way, but through instagram. He slid right into the DMs real quick! Haha.
Anyways, we really hit it off, or so I thought. Every time he got some signal he would message me and call me, which was surprisingly comfortable and sweet. His messages too, were just what a girl wanted to hear–he was straight forward, kind, and intentional. He was moving to California too and already talked about spending time together in the future.
Then it changed. Why? I have no clue.
Sometimes I wonder what I did wrong to turn him away. Sometimes I get super excited about meeting someone I actually enjoy, maybe it was too much?. Sometimes I am super eager and curious to get to know someone (anyone, not just men). But did I say something dumb or present myself in a weird way? Maybe something I said was just translated incorrectly through social media? I did not expect anything romantic from him. But did I sound desperate? I am slightly haunted by these thoughts.
It is hard for me to realize and slowly accept that there are things that are not in my control. I think as women, or as humans, we tend to automatically think negatively about ourselves and blame ourselves for our circumstances. I believe that there is a purpose to everything that happens to us, but I am learning to accept that not everything is caused by something I did. Sometimes it feels unfair, because Hello? I am amazing! But really, this guy does not know that.
Anyway, I find myself really missing those brief moments at the beginning of our acquaintance, and just feeling rather sad because the present does not reflect even the slightest hint of those memories. I cannot even really say we are friends now since we hardly talk, and he says I ask weird things, which is confusing to me but he does not explain. I am left just wondering. Odd, but it happens. Life happens.
It is just hard sometimes to let it go. But I am getting better, thank God.